If we were having coffee, I would probably get personal with you.
I would tell you how, a few months ago, my life changed. Not on the outside maybe, but inside me there’s been a total state of emergency. You see, as a woman we do these regular checks (or we should be doing them – I’ve been very bad at it since I left my home country) and most of the times the results are normal and we move on with our life like if nothing happened (because it was just a routine check with a positive outcome). But then, every once in a while women face a different outcome and there’s something that’s actually not normal.
Well, you obviously see where I’m going with this. I had one of those visits at the Women’s Clinic a while ago. I was (of course) expecting everything to be just the same as always (the ‘everything looks great, you have nothing to worry about’-kind-of-deal) but this time it wasn’t. The fact is: I learned that I have a lump in my left breast.
I walked out from the clinic feeling.. I don’t even know. Frazzled, scared, tiny, confused and stressed. All at once. I mean, what does that really mean? A ‘lump’ can be so much, whereof the worst I could think of (and what of course stuck with me and took my sleep away from me at the same time it gave me ALL the anxiety) was the C-word. Cancer.
After many in’s and out’s (which I just won’t go into because I can’t put words on it all) I was cleared and assured that I am fine yesterday. I don’t have the C-word, I can move on with my life now and leave the fear behind.
So now, if we were having coffee, I would raise my cup of iced coffee and say ‘Skål!’ (Cheers! in Swedish). To celebrate.
I would tell you, and you would probably see it in the whole of what is me, that I am now excited and happy to just be. To run. And sleep. All with the feeling of being somewhat in control of my own life again, all while being more thankful than ever for the life that I get to live.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that if you have or ever will go through something like this, I am here and willing to talk. Because sometimes we just have to let things go, and let the words and the emotions just come out. And sometimes we just need someone to listen. And see us.
I am here. And really, I am here to stay for a while. Hopefully with this being over I will have some more time and energy to actually blog more often than once a month..? :)