My Heart, My Motivation

I mentioned in a recent blogpost how I lately have been facing a big dip in motivation. This happening is something new for me as my motivation when it comes to running is usually pretty darn strong. I’ve had a few dips in motivation, especially around the time when I started running after my injury, but it was never as big of a dip as this time. It all started mid-July and I really tried hard to keep that nagging feeling (or rather lack of feeling) out of my mind, to convince myself that this what just a brain ghost and nothing I should worry about. I kept running, did my best to get my miles in but something just felt seriously wrong. I felt so beat (both mentally and physically) and just.. Lost.

 

In the start of August I couldn’t go on anymore. I had to admit to myself, and you all, that I was out of the loop and needed to do something to get back on track again. I started thinking about what I could do to find my usual “GO!” again. There are some common “tricks” runners seem to use to get that motivation going again, like registering for a race, change running routes, join a running group etc.

Instead of all that I decided to go my own way, to focus on my heart and my guts. So I didn’t look at my training plan, I let go of all pressure and my running goals and gave myself the chance to just lean back and “be”. While doing this I wrote about my August goals which actually included only one running goal: “Just run. No pressure, no nothing. Just run for the love of it.”. While taking some time off running, I decided that when my heart tells me to run I will do so – not sooner, nor later. At that moment, I will GO.

Monday morning as my husband left for work, I was sitting out on the lanai with my cup of coffe and the rain suddenly started pouring down. And at that moment one thought popped up in my mind: “I want to RUN!”. I could tell that this was my heart speaking – the “run butterflies” I know so well started swirling around in my belly and I knew it was go-time. I felt like I couldn’t get ready fast enough, that run needed to happen NOW. I quickly got my shoes on, threw on some clothes, started my Garmin and just went for it. I didn’t run far, not really fast either but I didn’t care. I was enjoying every single step of that run. It actually felt magical.

After that run on Monday I’ve been having a lot more positive feelings regarding running and I’ve had moments when my heart have told me “A run would be great” but didn’t have the chance until this morning. It was pouring down, but little did I care, I was heading out for another run with a bubbly heart and butterflies in my belly. As I ran through the heavy rain there was nothing but positive thoughts passing to my brain and my body -I felt like dancing in the rain but was too busy enjoying the running to have time to stop and actually dance. I did dance as I got back to our driveway though. I danced in the rain, with a big smile on my face, with water dripping from me and the rain still pouring down on me. I danced because of my happy heart, my legs which keeps on carrying me forward. I smiled because this is what I do – I wholeheartedly LOVE running. I love putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward, feeling strong while challenged, and I love everything that running has done and continue to do for me and my life.

I’m still not looking at my training plan, for now I will continue to focus on my pure love for running – the butterflies in my belly and that bubbly happy heart. I have time. I’m not registered for any races and I am going to keep running as long as my body lets me so there will be races in the future, trust me. But for now I have time to enjoy this journey, to run with my heart and with a big smile on my face.