The last few weeks have been rough on me emotionally.
I already mentioned my father-in-law having a heart attack and being on the verge of leaving us (but surviving), but then the next sad news reached me.. An old friend of mine was taken by cancer only three weeks after getting the news that he had cancer. I tried not to let this get to me, but it really did. I spent days crying, curled up into a ball in what felt like a very deep, dark and scary hole in the ground. I lost my words, spent the nights sleepless, I spent full days without even getting dressed, I hardly even drank coffee(?!) and running was out of the question as I just couldn’t bare the thought of having to face people and real life that seemed to keep going without me. I was lost, and I still am a little bit. But somewhere in the darkness, the grief, the heartache the fear and all the tears running I found a new focus.
What is my life for if not for living it to the fullest? Here and NOW is where it happens. As I mourn the loss of a wonderful person and my heart aches for his twin brother who is left without his other half, and the fact that I will never get to see this duo together again, as one, I realize that I owe it to myself to make the best possible out of each and every day that I get.
I know, that is “old news”. We all keep saying this but it tends to be forgotten along the road at times. Sometimes we need a reminder and, sad but true, for me that reminder was my friend passing away so quickly and so painful.
Yesterday morning I woke up and I literally saw an intersection in front of me. I could take a left and stay in my deep, dark hole down in the ground. Keep crying and wanting to rip my aching heart out of my chest. Or I could take a right and do something that would make me feel better, that would make me feel alive. I decided to take a right – I enjoyed my coffee, went out for a run, I smiled and greeted the morning walkers out there, I got back home, did yoga, cuddled with the cat, had some more coffee, made myself a nice meal and so on. And.. I felt alive. Sure, I was still sad about the fact that my old friend had gone away, I still felt pain, but I was living. For me, for him and for everyone I love and care about.
What am I trying to say here?
Even in the darkest of places there is still hope and we can choose to make something of the fear, heartache and sadness and turn it all around…
So from now on I will do my VERY best to actually remember this. There will be darkness and fears throughout my life, but I have the power to do something about it, turn it around, use it as fuel for something lighter and better. And that is to live life, love life and share it with others.
Because life is happening here and now.
I am now going to live up to my own words by letting my tasty lunch settle and then head out for a nice little run. I promise you I will soak up the beauty around me, and do so not just for me, but also for you and all of those who can’t or never will. I will run with my heart.
Quick, and very important, update before I head out for my run:
THANK YOU, thank you, THANK YOU for all your support and love here on the blog, on instagram and on Twitter. I appreciate it so much! With amazing friends like you it is a lot easier to love life and get through the darkness and reach the light again.